Saturday, February 28, 2009

My Oscars Date.

You might say there are plenty of great men I could take to the Oscars as my date. They're more or less the same.

Oh, are they?

I say no. For years, when I have fantasized about being nominated for an Oscar for my crackerjack screenwriting skillz, I've always known who my Oscar date will be.

Jason Schwartzman is the kind of non-threatening awesome guy who would be a great date.

Here's why:

1) He knows the biz and could make me feel at ease around, say, Bill Murray or Angelica Houston.

2) He's a screenwriter and would be just jealous enough of me to keep the power balanced on the date.

3) The two of us would look hilarious walking down the red carpet; me in my 4-inch heels and him, three apples high.

4) His hair looks so glossy and soft, I can't wait to run my fingers through it when we're fumbling at the Vanity Fair Party.

5) He's a Coppola, so it's like dating royalty.

6) He's a musician and I could introduce him to the Canadian indie scene.

7) He's so flipping handsome, but in an unassuming way. Except in this photo, where he's smokin' hot and looks like my T.

8) Finally, and most importantly, he must be a funny guy. His timing as an actor is genious. I just can't see that not translating to his real life.


Holly said...

Two thoughts:

- Where you see "glossy," I see greasy.

- Second, what is it with you Annie Hall types and Jewish men?

Catherine said...

Hello! You've seen Darjeeling, haven't you? Long, glossy, and with a moustache kicker. Ger-ow.

And he's half Jewish, and not even the one that counts! ;)

Still, I'm wholly interested.

Holly said...

I am trying hard to forget that I saw Darjeeling.

And, PS, according to the Reform tradition, any side now counts. We're getting a little "endangered," so changes had to be made.

Catherine said...

True dat, eh? Tradition! is only as good as there are people to practice, huh?

Well, from rudimentary e-stalking, it doesn't seem he practices any faith, genetics aside.

Anonymous said...

You two timing dot dot dot...what have I told you about seeing other men. Not only SEEING other men but taking another man other than your non sexual life partner to the OSCARS. If I had a Martini right now it would soooo be in your face...oh...I...can' i'm hyperventilating. One second. Get a paper bag. Breather, breathe. Phew...there...much better. I'm sorry you had to witness that. Of course I'd support your decision to take whomever you wanted to, to the Oscar's. I mean it's not like you wrote a book or anything and didn't thank me for all of my life services..oh not wait. That happened. Ooopsie. Silly me!
Love you sweetheart.
I miss our basement parties!
Hugs and kisses!

Catherine said...

B, we've been over this. You're my date to the Tonys.

And the next book I publish will be dedicated soley to you to make up for my last glaring oversight.