Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The "Cute, Cute, Dealbreaker Paradigm."

The "Cute, Cute, Dealbreaker Paradigm" is a naturally occurring phenomenon that I have named. I'm sure others experience a similar phemonenon, but none have named it quite so sillily. That's right. Sillily.

The CCDP sneaks up on me, and before I know it, I'm smirking like an idiot. Unfortunately, this usually happens in public, as is its wont.

Let me explain. The CCDP occurs when one is taking notice of an attractive potential partner and creating a mental inventory of particular features that one notices.

In my case, I enjoy rubbernecking at handsome young men. I might notice skillful use of just-enough-but-not-too-much hair product, or an attractive piece of clothing, or a nice smile. As I notice these elements, I inventory them in my mind, like a checklist, by silently reciting, "cute."

I find, though, that as the eyes wander, usually there comes a "dealbreaker," if you will. When this dealbreaker is noticed, I follow up my "cute" recitation by naming what that dealbreaker is.

Here, for example, is what I hear in my head when the CCDP occurs:

"Cute, cute, stretched earlobe."

"Cute, cute, smoking."

"Cute, cute, rattail."

"Cute, cute, neck tattoo."

"Cute, cute, touched his balls."

And so on.

Then, I find the dealbreaker so funny, I laugh or at least smile in public. That makes me look like a lunatic. Maybe that's my dealbreaker.

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